Me, Now....

im not feeling well today.flu... demam & rasa xlarat. yesterday, while i was trying to serve a cup of tea to noly, the teapot suddenly pitched and the hot water ran through my left hand. ouch! it was very2 hurt! suddenly i poured my hand with tap water. no minyak gamat, so i used toothpaste. my hand was like burning... no, it was boiled! my cooked hand turn into red and i couldn't even touch it. ache. but within the pain, i have to rush to shah alam. but alhamdullillah it didnt make me handicap. ahaks. my hand is still sexy as usual. but then i felt lucky for that, how if the thing was hot oil? or burning petrol? i might be lose my hand! actually it was a series injury occured on my hands. i was started with my right thumb, having a spot of internal bleeding and i broke it using a pinneedle,haha. followed by the boiling water, and then i dont sure what made my right finger cut and bleeded. but i wonder why this time i face everything on my own, doesnt like previous, whenever i got hurt or injured, somebody else who is very close to my heart would feel it too. but not this time. anything wrong?

nah, nvm... aha, something is crossing my mind.. maybe some people out there are making grapevine about my new appearance (i said, maybe, i dont know..). actually it doesnt offend me at all but it ain't fair if i dont speak up my word here. when i entered utp as a girl of the street, nobody care who i was. nobody knew me. but then after that turning point, seemed like eveybody wanted to be my friend. and some people loved to watch me from far. and making some gossips. and it was a bad thing, actually i dont even care about what people say behind me (bad things), but when people talk about 'my appearance' it was actually effect the whole performance of the other very2 good girls.i wasn't those good girls neither.

so i decided to be a normal person, not because of 'saya tidak layak..' but 1) i dont want people to see me as an alien (like what some of my frends saw & thought that i just know how to read & talk). 2) i dont want to be a black sheep (easy to recognize amongst the whites) then people will se me often 3) i just want to be a normal person.but it wasn't change my determination. my resolution is still to be what i decided to be before insyaAllah. but for the meantime i want to change lot of things, and the must is my relationship with frens who are always be beside me, i want to fix it, and with everybody else. it need a rejuvenation and revamp, and bit by bit. i hope after something happen to me, everything will change. but i dont know when, and would i? i love to be with all my friends, no matter who they are, geng KGB, geng cacat, geng terencat, geng *emaah, geng masjid, geng budak2, geng *r, geng rosak akhlak, etc. all are my frens and all are human like me. who could tell, which person'll go to heaven first?

but then, i am still keeping a secret hope. may ALLAH bless me.