yesterday once more...

in my early 20s... i was always dreaming of a life of an angel. and i was almost had it... yes, almost. but true, there's no direct ticket to heaven. how good we are (if we think so), it's not a ticket. it's never been. before i went to mekah, i was thinking about 'why those people who are seemed like mekah is their regular place but look like their life had never been betta'.. but it was almost answered when i myself face the same thing.

our life is not like other physical educational system, i.e. when we were standard 6 we havta sit for UPSR, after we pass the exam, no more UPSR in our life time. life is not like that, life is like eating fish. maybe today we could swell it all, but tomorrow who knows we might have a tiny bone struck in our throut... even if we are professional fish eaters there's no guarantee that we won't struck the bones...

everybody wants to go to heaven. even bad guys still want to go to heaven. if not, why they run away from their lifes' agony by doing something bad such as drug addicting, raping, raguting, etc... because they can't endure their life, and they don't want to suffer. it is just a world thing, if even world thing they refuse to face, how could they willing to accept the afterlife things? won't they? i don't think so.

but still, no direct ticket to heaven. I’m really afraid of which point will I stop… if for my career I maybe can predict, after 20 years, or 30 years… but life is… never… but I hope at that point, I am no more an empty jar, but full of unsinful items so that I could show to Him “this is what I get during my visit to the world…”

if i am given a power to choose something, i choose for yesterday once more... so that i could rectify everything and erase all those sins.

may Allah bless everybody..