melancholy

one of my friend got a call from Pet. one of my friend got an offer letter from Pet. one of my junior is already get a job. a girl younger than me looks smarter. one of my junior is already own a car. one of my friend is planning to buy a house...etc.etc.etc.

feeling of jealousy, heartburning.. ah, i really can't help myself. why can't i get what i want? am i too bad to get even one wish? or am i too wicked to be answered? my head's ache. it's grieveous. feeling melancholy. it's a frenzy inside. begrudge. i can't let myself calm when all peeps around me talking about their achievement, what they're doing, their updating stories, and.. and.. arghh! those things could drive me crazy!

phew! finally i sit back and relax. i start to bemused. think about what i have and what i want, and what i really need. yea.. sometimes i just can't recognize which want is kehendak and which one is keperluan. i hardly want something but i don't know actually it's unnecessary for me. i never get what i want, but i have what i need. it's a bit dissappointing to accept the truth, but i have to admit that He gives me the best things. He gives me a soft feeling of being patient. He opens His ears for me to whimper to. He just wants to make me become stronger.

at the end of the day i finally realize... i ask from Him too much, in the same time i give Him nothing but my incompleted devotion. He gives me not only what i am asking for, but also what i never expect. He gives me a set of complete limb, good figure, nice looking face ;>, good health, good brain on my bony shoulder, and the must is the gift of IMAN and ISLAM. alhamdulillah...

i will remember this quote,

sufi says, Allah will answer your prayer in 3 answers:
YES : and give you what you want
NO : and give you a better one
WAIT : and give you the best~

and i wish for the best, and my will-`o-the-wisp desire to be true. i don't mind waiting (and transform myself into a long piece of log, like now).

ameen~