bad experience

during first session of the 2nd interview, cynthia presented the things about schlumberger. suddenly i felt "gosh,it's a damn thing". if i could get the offer i would work for a month or not at all! it was a cruel lifestyle that requires your full attention that puts your family at number two. it is not bcos i wanna take my family first but i need time for myself. i have to write, sleep, eat, and go dating ;P
but it was an embrassing moment during the personal presentation. i was shivering during the presentation. was i nervous? no, i don't think so. i was a debater but that thing make me felt "STOOPID". the rest of the time after presentation until i went to bed i kept on blaming myself 'stupidus, stupidus, stupidus'. but today while taking shower i thought that 'if i did best yesterday, i might get the offer, but surely i would reject it. give the chance to others who are desperately need it'. ;)
but it was a really bad experience for me. i couldn`t perform. damn i hate it when my expectation ain't meet. i wasn't put a high expectation but at least i could perform well, if not better than others at least it satisfied me. but it WAS NOT!
i feel like crazy bull.
but it's ok... it must be blessing in disguise...