aha

sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan sekejap di atas sekejap di bawah sekejap gitu sekejap gini. do you have any idea how suffer to have unstable pemikiran & living is not as what had been expected. i see, since sekolah rendah i was terbiasa terlibat ngan aktiviti2 yg memerlukan appearance di depan aundience such as bercerita, pidato, debate, nasyid, etc. but until now i still can't resist the feeling of 'gelabah tak tentu pasal' in front of the crowd. but if the event is my event it should be no problem, macam usrah ke, jadik fasi ke. so i decide to not involve sgt ngan aktiviti yg menervouskan (but still sharpen the skill) and teruskan ngan my aktiviti yg i can control & can conquer.

we choose the future but either we deserve or not is not in our scope so we have to accept that our limited ability needs us a skill or manipulating anything come over as chances, not a failure in case we could not reach the target.

this is what i try to do with my obviuos weakness (getting gabra unconciously). i maybe not good at speaking in front, so i choose to be beyond the curtain (belakang tabir) and doing some planning works.

don't compare our ability with other peeps but just look into ourselves. maybe the others are hawk, but we might be jaws! hawk, they fly high and everytime we see them, we may feel "how cool flying at the top of the world". but since we're not the hawk, how can we fly like them, we keep on trying to fly but we still fail. it is because we don't know ourselves! we are jaws! we could swim and we're the wildest thing in the sea! knowing ourselves is the first thing that we have to do. then from that we could know what we could and should be. not everybody is a hawk, not everybody is a jaws. you might be a bacteria!